So, yeah, I suck. Which was the title a couple posts ago. And the following two sentences have pretty much been the same for the last several months.
I haven't done shit with the exercising or losing. But again at least I haven't gained anything.
It's the only thing I have to be positive about with this whole damn weight loss game. I've been hovering between 186 and 188 for months now. Just 10lbs would be awesome. But no, I suck.
UGH!
I do want to lose, not only for looks but for health as well. I just can't seem to stay motivated and I honestly don't know why. I hate how I look and feel but apparently that's not enough to make me stay on track. Doesn't make sense really, you'd think that would be enough but it's just not. Not right now anyway.
I know my blood pressure is really good though. I went to see my neurologist to get a new prescription for my migraines and he took my blood pressure and said it was terrific. Then I saw my ob-gyn for a checkup and renewal for birth control and had my pressure taken there as well and they too said it was perfect.
So with a history of high blood pressure in the family that's good news, that even with being overweight my pressure is still good.
I haven't had an overall checkup in years though. In fact my doctor's office called asking me to make an appointment for a checkup soon. I haven't done that yet. I guess I should just to make sure my cholesterol and everything else is good though.
The last time I had my eyes checked the doctor said he could see that I was on the verge of high cholesterol. It's amazing what they can find with eye exams. But since that time I have lost some weight and started to eat healthier so hopefully that's gotten better.
It's time for another eye appointment as well. And shoot, it's time for another mammogram also. Geesh, it'll just be appointment after appointment these next couple months.
Anyway, I was really hoping to look and feel better for the vacation in a couple weeks but obviously even that wasn't a big enough motivator.
I'd love to blame HDT since he's an enabler but I really can't. Yes, he does enable me to skip a workout or eat dessert but just because he does that doesn't mean I can blame him. I'm the one who ultimately makes the decision to not get off my ass or to put that brownie down my throat. Besides there are times that he's the one that makes the decision to not have the brownie or go out for the ice cream. Many times I leave it up to him whether we go walk Poydras and get our exercise in as well. Sure, there're times that he says he just doesn't want to do it for whatever reason and we don't go but a lot of the time he'll say we need to go. Yes for ourselves but even more so for Poydras, get his exercise in as well cause he needs it too. He's not awfully overweight but he can certainly stand to lose a pound or so.
Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is that even when he says he doesn't want to do whatever it is I'm asking us to do I can still do it just because he doesn't. It's my choice to go along with him in not doing it. Or go along with him in doing it when it comes to the eating of bad stuff. It's my choice and right now I'm not making the best of choices. It's easier to just give in and go along than be strong and resist.
I was hoping by creating this website and writing it all down would help keep me motivated but so far not so much. I still like having a place I can put down my goods, bads and uglies and will keep doing it because it's helpful but not in the way I thought. Or at least, not as much as I thought it would be.
Hmmmm, there are websites out there where you can get support from strangers, encouragement when you need it. Maybe I'll join one of them, it may help. Definitely food for thought. HA!
