So I OF COURSE, had a relapse last night. No workout whatsoever. He didn't even bring up the weights. But to be fair I was completely exhausted by the time I got off of work yesterday. My eyes were so damn tired and sore it was unreal. My hands were chilly and putting them over my eyes felt so damn good.
And I couldn't go straight home to rest either. I had to go by HDT's work to pick up the prescription for Bander to take out to Sam's Club and when I got out there I realized I didn't have my debit card. So I had to turn around and go back to his work to pick up his card and then go back out there. Luckily it was ready when I got there. Then I picked up some hamburger meat (90%), some frozen fish patties and some french bread. I wanted to get a kringle or some muffins but I was a good girl and although I looked I didn't pick any up. And I barely glanced at the aisles of candy so that was good.
Got home and put all that away and then put the clean dishes away and put the dirty ones into the washer. But a couple of the pans didn't come out completely clean from the dishwasher so I had to grab an SOS pad and scrub away on them. The I had to clean the George Foreman Grill of the chicken from the night before. I had turned the oven on for tator tots to have with the hamburgers (we had mentioned maybe have those when I picked up his debit card) but hadn't put them in yet.
I really didn't feel like making burgers anymore, especially because I would've had to measure out and put away the rest of the meat and I had no desire to do that at all. So we decided to have the fish filets and tots. Still not a bad meal at least, especially since we bake them all and don't fry 'em.
But after dinner I just sat on my ass watching tv as usual while he sat on his ass playing WOW and watching tv as usual.
I will get back on it though. There will be set backs but I'm gonna keep at it.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
It's about damn time!!
So yeah, I finally made myself get on the machines last night. It's about damn time!!
I made us, or I should say, we made us a good dinner last night. I cooked up some chicken breasts with Tony's cajun seasoning on them on the George Foreman Grill and heated up some green beans and HDiTty made us some garlic dill potatoes in the microwave steam bag. No bread which we normally do.
No dessert either.
I of course started to vegetate on the couch with the dog in my lap and Bander in my arms snuggled up to my shoulder as usual after dinner was done. I was warm and cozy, well except for my toes which were chilly. Heh
I kept telling myself to get up but I just couldn't do it. At one point shortly before 8:00 HDT went into the laundry room saying he was getting a pair of shorts. I asked him if he was getting ready to workout, actually kind of excited. But he said no that he just felt like wearing shorts rather than the sweats he had on. So I asked him to get me a pop and I sunk back into the couch. But shortly after that, maybe 5 minutes or so, I moved and that made Poydras go all bratty as he does and he grumbled and jumped off the couch. When he did that Bander then stirred and went up onto the back of the couch.
Since I didn't have any animals to hold me down and my toes were still cold I made myself get up and get on the treadmill. I didn't put on my shoes and was wearing fuzzy socks so I didn't want to go real fast. I only put it to 2.0. I decided once the show we were watching got to a commercial I'd go change my socks and put on shoes so I could go faster.
But I shamed HDT into joining me just by being on it and he kicked me off. I made him wait till I hit 40 calories which only took about 15 seconds or so since I was so close. So I went onto the elliptical and since I don't really need shoes on that one I just kicked off my fuzzy socks and went barefoot. Put in that I wanted to lose 260 calories so between the two it'd be 300 and with the cool down I lost an extra 41. So I feel like I did a good thing.
We both did some arm stuff as well. We have a couple medicine balls, one is 10 pounds the other is 5 I think, maybe 6. I used the lighter one starting on the treadmill doing different lifts with it and continued with it on the elliptical. At one point I got the 10 pounder from him and did a little with it but not for long. He used it and one of the stretch bands we have as well. So who knows how many extra calories were burned using those.
While we were going strong he asks me that we should be doing this every day, what's wrong with us. I told him that we're lazy, no other word for it. We're lazy and we enable each other to be lazy. But we agreed we'd be back doing some form of exercise every day that it's possible to do so.
He wants to go out to the garage tonight to do weight lifting. I don't desire doing weights, especially out in our very cold garage, but I always like how I feel afterward. So I won't protest too much. The problem is is that by the time he'll get home it'll be full dark and even colder and we have no lights in the garage let alone no heat. Sometime a few years ago our lights quit working, actually all electricity. We figure it has something to do with the lines going out to the garage from the house. We've never looked into it though. So unless we do it in the dark or bring candles out we won't have any light to work by. And we only have one little space heater, which as I'm writing this I realize we wouldn't be able to use anyway because of the whole no electricity thing. So we shall see how it goes, I have a feeling we'll have to do weights in the house without a bench.
Slowly but surely we're gonna be back on this damn exercise/healthy bandwagon dammit.
I made us, or I should say, we made us a good dinner last night. I cooked up some chicken breasts with Tony's cajun seasoning on them on the George Foreman Grill and heated up some green beans and HDiTty made us some garlic dill potatoes in the microwave steam bag. No bread which we normally do.
No dessert either.
I of course started to vegetate on the couch with the dog in my lap and Bander in my arms snuggled up to my shoulder as usual after dinner was done. I was warm and cozy, well except for my toes which were chilly. Heh
I kept telling myself to get up but I just couldn't do it. At one point shortly before 8:00 HDT went into the laundry room saying he was getting a pair of shorts. I asked him if he was getting ready to workout, actually kind of excited. But he said no that he just felt like wearing shorts rather than the sweats he had on. So I asked him to get me a pop and I sunk back into the couch. But shortly after that, maybe 5 minutes or so, I moved and that made Poydras go all bratty as he does and he grumbled and jumped off the couch. When he did that Bander then stirred and went up onto the back of the couch.
Since I didn't have any animals to hold me down and my toes were still cold I made myself get up and get on the treadmill. I didn't put on my shoes and was wearing fuzzy socks so I didn't want to go real fast. I only put it to 2.0. I decided once the show we were watching got to a commercial I'd go change my socks and put on shoes so I could go faster.
But I shamed HDT into joining me just by being on it and he kicked me off. I made him wait till I hit 40 calories which only took about 15 seconds or so since I was so close. So I went onto the elliptical and since I don't really need shoes on that one I just kicked off my fuzzy socks and went barefoot. Put in that I wanted to lose 260 calories so between the two it'd be 300 and with the cool down I lost an extra 41. So I feel like I did a good thing.
We both did some arm stuff as well. We have a couple medicine balls, one is 10 pounds the other is 5 I think, maybe 6. I used the lighter one starting on the treadmill doing different lifts with it and continued with it on the elliptical. At one point I got the 10 pounder from him and did a little with it but not for long. He used it and one of the stretch bands we have as well. So who knows how many extra calories were burned using those.
While we were going strong he asks me that we should be doing this every day, what's wrong with us. I told him that we're lazy, no other word for it. We're lazy and we enable each other to be lazy. But we agreed we'd be back doing some form of exercise every day that it's possible to do so.
He wants to go out to the garage tonight to do weight lifting. I don't desire doing weights, especially out in our very cold garage, but I always like how I feel afterward. So I won't protest too much. The problem is is that by the time he'll get home it'll be full dark and even colder and we have no lights in the garage let alone no heat. Sometime a few years ago our lights quit working, actually all electricity. We figure it has something to do with the lines going out to the garage from the house. We've never looked into it though. So unless we do it in the dark or bring candles out we won't have any light to work by. And we only have one little space heater, which as I'm writing this I realize we wouldn't be able to use anyway because of the whole no electricity thing. So we shall see how it goes, I have a feeling we'll have to do weights in the house without a bench.
Slowly but surely we're gonna be back on this damn exercise/healthy bandwagon dammit.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Letting myself down, why oh why....
So let's see. The weekend ended up not being too bad after all. At least, not for the most part anyway. I went grocery shopping on Friday and actually managed not to buy any sweets. At least not the kind I normally do. I bought 90 calorie snack pack boxes of rice cakes. The little mini ones that are chocolate or carmel or the like. So, as long as we only snack on one pack we'll be doing ok with those.
Food wasn't the best but it wasn't awful either. I made stew on Saturday which we had for dinner. But we still had pizza for dinner on Sunday. So yeah, that's not good.
And I of course, still haven't worked out yet. I have the good intentions but I just can't seem to make myself follow up with them yet. I really don't know why.
There are times that I wonder if it's because I'm afraid to get slim/healthy. I've been at best chubby and at worst fat since my early 20's. I did lose a decent amount of weight in between my first husband and HDT but it didn't take too long to put it all back on. When I was with my first husband, at least for the last couple years we were together, I wore a size 14. Yeah, yeah, I know it's the average size but when you're only 5'3" and wear a size 14 you're chubby.
I got down to a 10 for a little while in between the two but within a year and half after meeting HDT I was back in a size 14.
Now HDT on the other hand has always been overweight. When we met he wasn't too bad, just chubby, but he's been up and down his whole life. But with me he's been the heaviest he's ever been, I have too. He's said to me before that he's worried that if I lose weight and look good and he doesn't that I'd leave him for a better looking guy. I've told him before that that isn't true but of course he's still worried about it. I honestly believe I wouldn't do that but you really don't know what you would do until you're confronted with certain situations.
We have a couple guns for protection, I believe I'd use mine immediately if I felt threatened. But if I ever had to I really don't know what would happen. There are other people that believe they'd never lift a gun towards another person but if they felt their life was in danger or their child's, etc. they very well may do so after all. This is what I'm saying. I believe I wouldn't but I really just don't know.
So I think that's one reason I hold myself back. Plus the fact that it's been a really long time since I was slim, I don't know who that person is anymore. I'm afraid I'll be someone else and I won't like her. Every now and then I actually worry that he won't like me even if I stay the same person just skinny.
There are times that I feel like there's no way I'll be able to maintain a slim/healthy body so why bother. I maintained the 185 weight for so long without doing anything different that I wondered if that's just what I was supposed to be. Looking at my family tree most of the women have meat on their bones. There's very few of us that are actually naturally slim.
You always read these articles that say you need to love yourself and how you look no matter what and what follows will follow naturally. Well, I do love myself but that doesn't mean I love my body. Because I don't. I have a hard time finding anything I like about it and then when I do I have a hard time remembering that I like that part. Like my calves; I have awesome calves. I know it's from when I was kid and had a paper route. My mom was never one of those parents that would drive their kid around delivering the papers. If I wanted the job I had to do it on my own. So that meant walking the whole thing or riding my bike. I walked most of the time so my legs were STRONG. And even after gaining weight my calves have always looked good.
My thighs not so much anymore. For a long time they still looked good because the muscle was still so big and strong. But I noticed this last year that they now have cellulite where there didn't used to be. And the worst thing about it is that they didn't look like that before I had lost the 20 plus pounds back in '09. They only started getting the dimples and saggy skin after I gained it back. Sucks big time.
But my calves still look good though. Heh
But, honestly, I think that's what's holding me back the most. I just don't know that slim and healthy girl anymore and I'm afraid of her. And I'm afraid of letting myself down again and you can't let yourself down if you never start. Considering I've let myself down a couple times already I know I'm capable of it and that just sucks.
Food wasn't the best but it wasn't awful either. I made stew on Saturday which we had for dinner. But we still had pizza for dinner on Sunday. So yeah, that's not good.
And I of course, still haven't worked out yet. I have the good intentions but I just can't seem to make myself follow up with them yet. I really don't know why.
There are times that I wonder if it's because I'm afraid to get slim/healthy. I've been at best chubby and at worst fat since my early 20's. I did lose a decent amount of weight in between my first husband and HDT but it didn't take too long to put it all back on. When I was with my first husband, at least for the last couple years we were together, I wore a size 14. Yeah, yeah, I know it's the average size but when you're only 5'3" and wear a size 14 you're chubby.
I got down to a 10 for a little while in between the two but within a year and half after meeting HDT I was back in a size 14.
Now HDT on the other hand has always been overweight. When we met he wasn't too bad, just chubby, but he's been up and down his whole life. But with me he's been the heaviest he's ever been, I have too. He's said to me before that he's worried that if I lose weight and look good and he doesn't that I'd leave him for a better looking guy. I've told him before that that isn't true but of course he's still worried about it. I honestly believe I wouldn't do that but you really don't know what you would do until you're confronted with certain situations.
We have a couple guns for protection, I believe I'd use mine immediately if I felt threatened. But if I ever had to I really don't know what would happen. There are other people that believe they'd never lift a gun towards another person but if they felt their life was in danger or their child's, etc. they very well may do so after all. This is what I'm saying. I believe I wouldn't but I really just don't know.
So I think that's one reason I hold myself back. Plus the fact that it's been a really long time since I was slim, I don't know who that person is anymore. I'm afraid I'll be someone else and I won't like her. Every now and then I actually worry that he won't like me even if I stay the same person just skinny.
There are times that I feel like there's no way I'll be able to maintain a slim/healthy body so why bother. I maintained the 185 weight for so long without doing anything different that I wondered if that's just what I was supposed to be. Looking at my family tree most of the women have meat on their bones. There's very few of us that are actually naturally slim.
You always read these articles that say you need to love yourself and how you look no matter what and what follows will follow naturally. Well, I do love myself but that doesn't mean I love my body. Because I don't. I have a hard time finding anything I like about it and then when I do I have a hard time remembering that I like that part. Like my calves; I have awesome calves. I know it's from when I was kid and had a paper route. My mom was never one of those parents that would drive their kid around delivering the papers. If I wanted the job I had to do it on my own. So that meant walking the whole thing or riding my bike. I walked most of the time so my legs were STRONG. And even after gaining weight my calves have always looked good.
My thighs not so much anymore. For a long time they still looked good because the muscle was still so big and strong. But I noticed this last year that they now have cellulite where there didn't used to be. And the worst thing about it is that they didn't look like that before I had lost the 20 plus pounds back in '09. They only started getting the dimples and saggy skin after I gained it back. Sucks big time.
But my calves still look good though. Heh
But, honestly, I think that's what's holding me back the most. I just don't know that slim and healthy girl anymore and I'm afraid of her. And I'm afraid of letting myself down again and you can't let yourself down if you never start. Considering I've let myself down a couple times already I know I'm capable of it and that just sucks.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Butch of enablers are what we are!
So I haven't posted in a few days. Mainly because I still haven't done anything. I hate that I want to but I'm not doing anything about it. I want to eat better, I want to exercise, I don't want to always want someting sweet after dinner. If I can not have something sweet after lunch (most days) why can't I do that with dinner? Is it because we've pretty much trained ourselves to do it? I never thought about that before but I bet that's it. One of us will inevitably say to the other, "What's for desert?" or "What do we have that's sweet?" We both enable each other. We are bad.
I wore a shirt yesterday to work that normally I actually look slim in. When I looked at myself in the work bathroom mirror I noticed I didn't look so slim anymore. I didn't look fat but I definitely didn't look like I normally do in it.
When I weighed myself the other day I was up to 185.4. Now, I was on my period so I very well could've been retaining water. In fact I'm almost positive I was since today I've been peeing like crazy and I haven't been drinking any more than normal. But even still, I'm sure I'll only go back down to 184 if I go down at all.
HDT has to work the night shift this weekend. Which means he'll be sleeping most of the day and then gone by 6:00pm. I should be able to eat fairly decently without him around and I'm going to once again get on one of the machines. If it's only for one of the days even, at least I'll be getting on it.
I wore a shirt yesterday to work that normally I actually look slim in. When I looked at myself in the work bathroom mirror I noticed I didn't look so slim anymore. I didn't look fat but I definitely didn't look like I normally do in it.
When I weighed myself the other day I was up to 185.4. Now, I was on my period so I very well could've been retaining water. In fact I'm almost positive I was since today I've been peeing like crazy and I haven't been drinking any more than normal. But even still, I'm sure I'll only go back down to 184 if I go down at all.
HDT has to work the night shift this weekend. Which means he'll be sleeping most of the day and then gone by 6:00pm. I should be able to eat fairly decently without him around and I'm going to once again get on one of the machines. If it's only for one of the days even, at least I'll be getting on it.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Promises, promises
So Friday night we ended up doing the original dinner we had planned on - we went out for Chinese. We took his youngest sister with us and went to our favorite Chinese restaurant. It was oh so good. His friend Jim bought an ice cream cake that we had for desert later in the evening. We also had some M&M's that I had custom made from their website. Blue for him, pink for me and gold for the Saints. I also had a heart and fleur-de-lis put on as well as some saying Happy 40th!! and Howie on others. They we really good.
Of course no exercising.
Saturday we were both extremely lazy and didn't exercise although eating wasn't too bad. Had the left over Chinese and he had a couple hot dogs through out the day for our meals. But still no exercise.
Sunday we were supposed to go bowling so there would've been some exercising in the day but when we got to the alley it was completely packed and there wouldn't be any lanes available until after 4:00 - two full hours away. So we said fuck it and left. We called everyone that was coming out and told them to head to a restaurant that we don't get to very often cause he decided he wanted to have some pizza.
So we had some pizza and cake that his mom brought along. We got home around 6:00 and lazed on the couch completely full. Breakfast wasn't too much better than that. I made scrambled eggs and bacon. The eggs were good of course but not the bacon. And even though we were home early enough to exercise still we were both so full that we became slugs for the rest of the evening.
Yep, still not making myself get on the machines. Maybe, just maybe, I'll get on tonight. We very rarely do anything for Valentine's Day so unless he has a surprise in the works it'll be just like any other evening of the week. So there shouldn't be any reason I don't get on other than laziness.
I will start, I promise myself, one of these days. Sooner rather than later. I have to.
Of course no exercising.
Saturday we were both extremely lazy and didn't exercise although eating wasn't too bad. Had the left over Chinese and he had a couple hot dogs through out the day for our meals. But still no exercise.
Sunday we were supposed to go bowling so there would've been some exercising in the day but when we got to the alley it was completely packed and there wouldn't be any lanes available until after 4:00 - two full hours away. So we said fuck it and left. We called everyone that was coming out and told them to head to a restaurant that we don't get to very often cause he decided he wanted to have some pizza.
So we had some pizza and cake that his mom brought along. We got home around 6:00 and lazed on the couch completely full. Breakfast wasn't too much better than that. I made scrambled eggs and bacon. The eggs were good of course but not the bacon. And even though we were home early enough to exercise still we were both so full that we became slugs for the rest of the evening.
Yep, still not making myself get on the machines. Maybe, just maybe, I'll get on tonight. We very rarely do anything for Valentine's Day so unless he has a surprise in the works it'll be just like any other evening of the week. So there shouldn't be any reason I don't get on other than laziness.
I will start, I promise myself, one of these days. Sooner rather than later. I have to.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Working out is hard to do
Man oh man it's hard to make yourself start exercising and stick with it. I have the intention of doing it but then after I get home and feed the cats and dog and figure out what we're having and make it; or feed the cats and dog and sit around waiting for HDT to come home to figure out what I'll be making for dinner and then eating it; I just don't feel like getting on the treadmill or elliptical anymore. Especially because by the time we're done it's going on 8pm, or sometimes after, and I so don't want to do anything that late.
But I know it's better to do then than not at all. Especially since when we were doing so good last year that about the time we were getting it done and it didn't seem to affect our sleep in any way. In fact, I think I actually slept better despite finishing so late.
I haven't eaten anymore McD's but I'm still not eating the way I should be. And today is HDT's birthday and more than likely we're having people over and will be eating pizza and other bread/starchy/carby foods. We originally were supposed to be going out for chinese but then he started to change his mind as the night wore on. I didn't ask him about it when I went home at lunch so I have no idea if it's changed again or not. I guess I'll find out when I go home tonight.
Depending on if his one sister comes or not there may or may not be drinking involved. She's an alcoholic and is working through her recovery right now. She's still really new to the program so it's still a struggle for her.
UGH!
But I know it's better to do then than not at all. Especially since when we were doing so good last year that about the time we were getting it done and it didn't seem to affect our sleep in any way. In fact, I think I actually slept better despite finishing so late.
I haven't eaten anymore McD's but I'm still not eating the way I should be. And today is HDT's birthday and more than likely we're having people over and will be eating pizza and other bread/starchy/carby foods. We originally were supposed to be going out for chinese but then he started to change his mind as the night wore on. I didn't ask him about it when I went home at lunch so I have no idea if it's changed again or not. I guess I'll find out when I go home tonight.
Depending on if his one sister comes or not there may or may not be drinking involved. She's an alcoholic and is working through her recovery right now. She's still really new to the program so it's still a struggle for her.
UGH!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
So, as it says in the tag line - I'll be posting about the bad and ugly as well as the good. Last night was the bad and today at lunch was the ugly.
I didn't workout last night as planned. It was chilly and I just sat my butt on the couch under my snuggie watching tv with HDiTty with the dog in my lap (part time) and one of the cats in my arms (part time) keeping me warm.
Yes, yes, I know that if I got up and did the treadmill or the elliptical I would've gotten even warmer than sitting on my ass. I never said I was logical in my laziness.
And today was just ugly. I really didn't want to go home and make anything for lunch. Which of course is what I should have done. Nope, what did I do? I went to McD's and got a #3 - double quarter, medium fries and a Dr Pepper. Didn't even get a diet drink. At least I eat my burgers completely plain so there isn't any extra calories from cheese. Heh
I ended up eating all the fries and all but about 3, maybe 4, bites of the burger. I only drank about 1/2 of the pop though. So a few more calories "saved" by not finishing the burger and the drink.
Ahahahaha, who am I kidding!?! So what I didn't eat those calories, what I did eat was bad enough. UGH!
So, yeah, I really have to make myself get to exercising so I can make myself eat better.
I didn't workout last night as planned. It was chilly and I just sat my butt on the couch under my snuggie watching tv with HDiTty with the dog in my lap (part time) and one of the cats in my arms (part time) keeping me warm.
Yes, yes, I know that if I got up and did the treadmill or the elliptical I would've gotten even warmer than sitting on my ass. I never said I was logical in my laziness.
And today was just ugly. I really didn't want to go home and make anything for lunch. Which of course is what I should have done. Nope, what did I do? I went to McD's and got a #3 - double quarter, medium fries and a Dr Pepper. Didn't even get a diet drink. At least I eat my burgers completely plain so there isn't any extra calories from cheese. Heh
I ended up eating all the fries and all but about 3, maybe 4, bites of the burger. I only drank about 1/2 of the pop though. So a few more calories "saved" by not finishing the burger and the drink.
Ahahahaha, who am I kidding!?! So what I didn't eat those calories, what I did eat was bad enough. UGH!
So, yeah, I really have to make myself get to exercising so I can make myself eat better.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
BMI says I'm obese - I'm gonna change that!
So, yeah, I wish I could just eat whatever and do whatever and still be able to lose weight. But since that's impossible I'll just have to make myself do the right thing.
My goal is twofold. I want to lose wight to look and feel better about myself and I want to lose weight to be more healthy. My last physical I was just fine in all ways: no high blood pressure, no high cholesterol, no diabetes, etc., etc. But that was, admittedly, several years ago. Who knows what any of that would be now. Although the blood pressure is still fine, that's been taken every time I've gone to my gynecologists office. Even though I feel like I'm all good you just never know. But what I do know is losing weight will make me more healthy.
So, this blog will be a place I can come to bitch about what it's taking me to lose the pounds. It'll be a place I can track the amount I'm losing and what I'm doing exercise wise. And if I make a point to update it every day or as often as possible anyway I think it'll keep me more honest.
I have the Lose It app on my iphone which definitely helps but there are times that I want to rant or even just purge and I can't do that on there. Such as.....
I finally got back on the elliptical last Saturday, although I wanted to do the treadmill but it wouldn't work (again). Plugged in what I wanted to work off (425 calories) and after doing the cool down I burned off 460.0 exactly. Pretty nice. I took Sunday off, because I'm lazy like that. Yesterday after work I had HDiTty fix the treadmill because I wanted to use it rather than the elliptical and then ended up not being able to use it. All because he was on WOW doing some campaign thingy with a big group and I wouldn't be able to turn up the tv to be able to hear once the machine started going. But I let him know that was the reason so tonight he'll either just have to deal or not go on any campaigns because I'm definitely getting on the damn thing.
And yes, there are other things I could do to exercise and I plan on doing those other things as well but when I do them I'm not able to keep myself at it. When I get tired of doing the reps with the weights or I get tired jumping rope or I get tired with the lunges I just quit. I don't push myself. With the elliptical and the treadmill I'm able to keep going. I can look at the calories or the time and say I only have so much longer to go to reach my goal and it won't take me long to do that so just stick with it and I do. With those other things there's not much of a goal. Sure I can put a time limit or a rep limit but it's still so much easier to just say fuck it and quit. I think mainly because I don't have the visual to reinforce what I'm doing. There's no calorie count or time count or mileage count to be able to look at and say I'm doing good and there's not much longer to go.
And I've learned that if I'm not exercising I don't make myself eat better. It's the whole guilt thing I think, I feel guilty if I eat "bad" foods while exercising. At least more than what I should of them. I know enough that I can't cut out of my life any of the foods I really like because I do what the experts say you'll do and end up binging at some point. But I am good with putting into the Lose It app the foods I eat so it'll calculate the calories I'm eating so I know when I have to stop or how much of those potato chips I can have or cookies or whatever. Because damn do I have a sweet tooth and salty tooth. And putting those two things together (hello chocolate covered pretzels!) is a deadly combo for me.
I want to lose at least 50 pounds. If I lose a bit more than that, well, more power to me. But I don't think I'll need to. That'll put me right around what so many of the charts say would be good for me. BMI and ideal weight charts. Right now, as of the other day I had gotten back up to 184.7 pounds. I'm 5'3". Per the BMI chart I'm obese. But just into the obese section at least. If I can get back down to 165 I'll be in the overweight section.
Sure that's 20 pounds and it sounds like a lot but in 2009 I got down to 162.7 from 188 by eating right and exercising. And the only work out I did was the elliptical and walking fast during the day at work. I did that in less than 5 months. Then I quit my job and sat on my ass for 5 months basically and gained almost all of it back. Since then I've been fluctuating between 180 and 183. But when I weighed myself the other day and I was up to 184.7 I knew right then and there I had to get back on the horse - no more excuses. I'm sitting here in my jeans feeling awful and when I look in the mirror I see where it's coming back.
Ok, I believe I've rambled enough for the first entry. I'm outta here.
My goal is twofold. I want to lose wight to look and feel better about myself and I want to lose weight to be more healthy. My last physical I was just fine in all ways: no high blood pressure, no high cholesterol, no diabetes, etc., etc. But that was, admittedly, several years ago. Who knows what any of that would be now. Although the blood pressure is still fine, that's been taken every time I've gone to my gynecologists office. Even though I feel like I'm all good you just never know. But what I do know is losing weight will make me more healthy.
So, this blog will be a place I can come to bitch about what it's taking me to lose the pounds. It'll be a place I can track the amount I'm losing and what I'm doing exercise wise. And if I make a point to update it every day or as often as possible anyway I think it'll keep me more honest.
I have the Lose It app on my iphone which definitely helps but there are times that I want to rant or even just purge and I can't do that on there. Such as.....
I finally got back on the elliptical last Saturday, although I wanted to do the treadmill but it wouldn't work (again). Plugged in what I wanted to work off (425 calories) and after doing the cool down I burned off 460.0 exactly. Pretty nice. I took Sunday off, because I'm lazy like that. Yesterday after work I had HDiTty fix the treadmill because I wanted to use it rather than the elliptical and then ended up not being able to use it. All because he was on WOW doing some campaign thingy with a big group and I wouldn't be able to turn up the tv to be able to hear once the machine started going. But I let him know that was the reason so tonight he'll either just have to deal or not go on any campaigns because I'm definitely getting on the damn thing.
And yes, there are other things I could do to exercise and I plan on doing those other things as well but when I do them I'm not able to keep myself at it. When I get tired of doing the reps with the weights or I get tired jumping rope or I get tired with the lunges I just quit. I don't push myself. With the elliptical and the treadmill I'm able to keep going. I can look at the calories or the time and say I only have so much longer to go to reach my goal and it won't take me long to do that so just stick with it and I do. With those other things there's not much of a goal. Sure I can put a time limit or a rep limit but it's still so much easier to just say fuck it and quit. I think mainly because I don't have the visual to reinforce what I'm doing. There's no calorie count or time count or mileage count to be able to look at and say I'm doing good and there's not much longer to go.
And I've learned that if I'm not exercising I don't make myself eat better. It's the whole guilt thing I think, I feel guilty if I eat "bad" foods while exercising. At least more than what I should of them. I know enough that I can't cut out of my life any of the foods I really like because I do what the experts say you'll do and end up binging at some point. But I am good with putting into the Lose It app the foods I eat so it'll calculate the calories I'm eating so I know when I have to stop or how much of those potato chips I can have or cookies or whatever. Because damn do I have a sweet tooth and salty tooth. And putting those two things together (hello chocolate covered pretzels!) is a deadly combo for me.
I want to lose at least 50 pounds. If I lose a bit more than that, well, more power to me. But I don't think I'll need to. That'll put me right around what so many of the charts say would be good for me. BMI and ideal weight charts. Right now, as of the other day I had gotten back up to 184.7 pounds. I'm 5'3". Per the BMI chart I'm obese. But just into the obese section at least. If I can get back down to 165 I'll be in the overweight section.
Sure that's 20 pounds and it sounds like a lot but in 2009 I got down to 162.7 from 188 by eating right and exercising. And the only work out I did was the elliptical and walking fast during the day at work. I did that in less than 5 months. Then I quit my job and sat on my ass for 5 months basically and gained almost all of it back. Since then I've been fluctuating between 180 and 183. But when I weighed myself the other day and I was up to 184.7 I knew right then and there I had to get back on the horse - no more excuses. I'm sitting here in my jeans feeling awful and when I look in the mirror I see where it's coming back.
Ok, I believe I've rambled enough for the first entry. I'm outta here.
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