I'm sore but happy

So, let's see.  Saturday through Tuesday I didn't do a whole lot of exercising.  Not traditional anyway.  Saturday I cleaned the house which included going up and down the basement stairs several times.  Including vacuuming said stairs.  I was sweating and breathing pretty heavily by the time I was done 2 1/2 hours later so I'd say I got a pretty good workout from that.

Sunday I was a lazy lazy lazy girl.  I literally sat on my ass from the moment I got up to the time HDT got home from work watching Lost.  Other than getting up to go to the bathroom, take Poydras out and get something to eat I didn't move off the couch and I gotta tell you it felt really good.  Besides it had been raining/storming on and off all day so it's not like I could've done much anyway.

Monday was Memorial Day and it was basically 90 degrees outside where I spent most of the day sweating profusely.  So by the time everyone was gone from our house and we were able to relax in the cool basement I so didn't feel like doing anything.  Besides, I think I sweated out a couple pounds anyway.

Tuesday after work I was planning on getting on the elliptical but we ended up going over to his grandma's house to check up on her and spend some time while his mom is out of town.  So not only did I not work out we picked up greasy pizza and breadsticks for dinner.  Yeah, that was smart.

But Wednesday I did good.  I got home from work and changed right away and did my usual elliptical, weights, elliptical routine.  But I mixed it up with the weights doing some different lifts than I've been doing.  Along with doing some burpees and the scorpion flip again which I haven't done in forever.  I also did this thing where you get in a pushup position then lower yourself into the plank position then go back up.  Did that several times.  I also used a band to wrap around my feet while sitting and doing the rowing routine for my back.  That felt good.

I'm feeling it today too so that makes me happy.  Today I'll be mowing the lawn when I get home.

I started to keep track of my food on the iphone app but that fell through once I had one too many things that I couldn't really track.  So I gotta get back to using it.  It definitely helps keep me in line.

Slowly but shirly

So I'm doing pretty darn good so far.  At least with the exercising.  I've worked out every day this week but Wednesday.  I decided to take that day off. 

I still have to get on track with the food.  That's still hit or miss on eating better or not.  Although I decided today I'd start counting the calories again using the LoseIt app on the phone.  I of course do so much better when I'm actually putting the items down than when I just try to wing it.

I'm definitely one of those people that the experts talk about when they say writing it down helps.  So I put in my yogurt for breakfast and my Special K cereal bar for my snack just now.  Most of the time I have a banana instead but we ran out of those, need to get back to the grocery store for a few items after work.  The banana is better at keeping me satisfied until lunch than the cereal bar but it's still pretty good.  If I happen to get hungry before than I have another bar and they're only 90 calories so I'm all good.

Yay me!!

So I've been doing pretty darn good these last few days.

I did a good work out Thursday evening but nothing on Friday.  But that was ok, I was still hurting a bit from Thursday.

Saturday I mowed the lawn which included bagging the grass.  When I started in on our back lawn it started to misty rain and as I continued it started to rain harder.  So I could only do a couple swipes before having to bag the grass.  I called HDT out at one point to help out a bit since the bagger's opening is wider than the bag and with it being wet now it was a lot harder to empty.  He ended up staying outside with me to finish up which as it was getting wetter and wetter and heavier and heavier I was very grateful for.

I was pretty sore and worn out from that and having done the grocery shopping earlier in the morning. 

Sunday I was still a bit sore but not too much.  A little while after having breakfast I jumped on the elliptical and did it for 15 minutes then weights then back on the elliptical for 20 minutes, actually 25 with the 5 minute cool down. 

Then later on in the afternoon we went to a few stores.  I was worn out by the end of the 2nd store but we were looking for a new electric toothbrush and neither of the first stores had exactly what we were looking for.  Still didn't find it at the 3rd store either.  The 1st had the closest but I was so wiped out by then and starving that I said I just couldn't go back.

When I weighed myself this morning I was down 1 1/2 lbs from what I've been all last week.  So I'm hoping I'm finally on the right track.  Yay!

Way to ruin a really good meal

So Monday night we took my SIL to dinner.  We at first were going to have her come over for a cookout, probably steaks.  But turns out she's been having a craving for Buffalo Wild Wings so we took her and her daughter there.

I did my usual chicken tenders and shrimp.  I doubt very much that they're healthy since they're breaded and fried.  Heh  And I also had a couple mojitos.  I've never had one before but decided to try the black cherry one, it was really good.  Not strong at all either.

But no exercising was done at all so I of course decided to get back on it Tuesday night.

But when I got home his mom was there and she ended up staying the night.  But we did have a very good dinner.  Grilled chicken breasts, grilled asparagus and steamed garlic dill potato wedges.  But then we ruined it with Dairy Queen.  Ahahahaha

And of course I didn't get on any of the equipment even though I very well could have.

So yep, tonight is the night I will get back on the routine.  I've also slacked off on my jumping jacks and jump rope in the bathroom at work.  So today I decided to get back doing that as well.  I've done jumping jacks so far.

I don't feel guilty for once, at least not much

So I did the mowing of the lawn on Friday.  Started around 5:30 and finished around 8:00.  But there was a small break in between doing the back and side yard and the front and middle yard.  I waited until HDT got home to do the front and middle.  The middle being the yard between our driveway and the neighbor's driveway. 

I had used all but one of the cans for the clippings and to use a bag I'd need his help.  Well, not necessarily need it but could use it, would make it easier to do the bagging.  So I sat for about 20 minutes waiting for him. 

Saturday I did some shopping and between the mowing and weeding on Friday and the shopping on Saturday I was pretty well sore by the end of the day. 

And Sunday I ended up getting a bad enough headache that I had to go rest for an hour after taking some ibuprofen before feeling better.  So I took Sunday off. 

His sister is supposed to be coming over tonight for dinner to celebrate her birthday yesterday so I don't know if any exercising will happen tonight.  But we shall see, you never know.

So not so bad but not so good either.  At least I don't feel all that guilty for not doing more so that's good.

Back in the Saddle

So for the past two days I've been doing good.  Wednesday night after letting dinner settle for about a 1/2 hour I got on the elliptical for about 15 minutes and burned off approximately 150 calories.  Then I grabbed the 10lbers and did 3 sets of several exercises.  Then got back on for another 15 minutes and 150 calories.  So that made me happy.

Then yesterday I just did the elliptical the whole time.  But I did one of the programs on it.  It was the cross training one which constantly goes up and down from incline 7 to incline 13 and forward and backward peddeling.  It leaves the risistance up to you so I put that at 7.  With the cool down I burned approximately 320 calories.

Tonight I'll do the weights again.  Maybe.  I'm debating just mowing the lawn since now the weather is saying that there's a higher chance of rain tomorrow and Sunday.  I planned on doing it on Sunday since it was going to be down into the 40's and partly sunny.  Figured that would be just perfect.  But now it's 60% chance on Saturday and 70% change on Sunday.  And it's only 30% chance today.  So we shall see.

No matter when I do it it'll definitely be a work out in itself as the grass is over a foot tall in some places.  I'm going to have to go over it twice in those places.

And my plan this weekend is to start doing the spring cleaning.  The house absolutely needs it and that'll be a work out in itself as well.  But I still may do something with weights anyway.  Again, we shall see.

I suck

That's really about it.  I did my normal Sat. morning workout and haven't done anything since and won't be able to do anything tonight as we're taking my mom out to dinner for delayed Mother's Day. 

But I'm thinking HDT is getting to his rock bottom as well.  Oh, I've been writing a post that I'll probably never publish, at least without editing anyway, that talks about how I'm getting close to hitting my rock bottom.  Anyway, he was saying last night how he's tired of looking at himself and I agreed that I'm in the same boat.  So even though we didn't exercise last night, of course not, we did eat less than normal.  And we were just fine with it.

So since we can't work out tonight and we're both sick of ourselves we agreed we'd be working out tomorrow night.  Since his knee isn't as sore as it has been he should be able to do some things.  Maybe not the machines for more than a warm up but that'll be just fine.  I'll try to convince him to do what I've been doing on Saturday and do the warm up, weights and then cool down on the machine again.  That shouldn't hurt his knee at all, or at least not too much.

Wish me luck.

I so gotta quit failing, it's really really bugging me

So Saturday I tried to get back on track and of course have failed since. 

I did a pretty good workout in the morning.  I did 10 minutes on the elliptical for a warm up then did a bunch of weight lifting with the 10lb weights.  For a few of the exercises I had to use the 8lbs the second time around but at least I was able to do more reps.  Although now I've been reading it's better to do as little as 5 reps with a higher weight than more reps with a lighter one.  I have no worries about bulking up so I'll definitely stick with 10lbers until they become too easy.  After the lifting I got back on the elliptical for another 10 minutes for a cool down.

I of course was very sore on Sunday and didn't do anything.  But yesterday I was almost back to normal, very little soreness, and I didn't do jack shit.  Not even the elliptical.  So today I have to do something.  Maybe the weights again.  If I do those I'm more apt to get HDT to do a workout with me and also encourage me to do more and not quit.  When I do weights by myself I tend to quit sooner and not do as many rounds.  I only did two rounds on Saturday when normally with HDT I'd be doing three.

And if he won't do anything with me then I'll just make myself get on the elliptical at the very least.  And unless he's able to convince me to eat something else (which he's usually really good at doing) I plan on us having turkey, asparagus and potatoes for dinner.  Now that's a good dinner.

Exercise - I need to buckle down and make it a habit sooner rather than later

So, yeah, I have no idea when I'm going to get consistent with my workouts and eating better.  It comes and goes every singe week.  I know it takes a minimum of 20 days for a habit to take and a lot longer than that to break habits but geesh, this is getting ridiculous.  I just need to buckle down and get to it and quit making excuses.

HDT and I got on the machines Monday evening when he got home from work.  I got on the elliptical and he got on the treadmill.  The treadmill was sounding pretty bad, sounded like it was scraping.  So he looked at the booklet and it said if it sounded like that to immediately turn it off and call for a look see.  So he turned it off but still hasn't called it in.  I stayed on the elliptical and got in a pretty good workout but I haven't gotten back on it since.  And I haven't done any weights either. 

Every day throughout work I try to psych myself up for it but by the time I get home I lose interest.  Especially since I usually get a cat and/or dog sitting on top of me. 

And food hasn't been any better.  We're eating the same crap we usually do.  Pizza more than once a week, doesn't matter if it's bought from a restaurant or frozen.  If it's pizza we're having it at least twice in a week.  I try to push it off but it doesn't always work.  Or chicken and tots.  Although since they're baked and we don't eat a whole lot of either the meal is usually just around 500 calories.  But since lunch isn't always good having 500 at dinner sometimes breaks the bank.  Especially with having ice cream just about every day since Saturday.  Luckily that's now gone and I have no intention of buying any more tonight when I do the grocery shopping.

Once again I will be trying to get into the habit of exercise and eating better will/should follow.

My stomach was The Bad this time around

So Monday night we did end up going to the movies and seeing Scream 4.  Or Scre4m as the title actually is.  Which meant no workout. 

I had taken frozen hamburger meat out to thaw over the weekend to make spaghetti with and was going to do it on Monday.  Since we had an hour and half before the movie was to start I decided to cook up the meat so it wouldn't go bad and then ended up making the sauce anyway since it's one of those meals that tastes better after it's had time to sit for awhile anyway. 

Then we were bad and ended up getting McDonald's on the way home for dinner.  But I at least had the chicken mcnuggets meal and we shared the fries and I gave him the coke so not too awful at least.

We made the spaghetti last night along with some italian bread and it was really good but within minutes of finishing my stomach started to feel really bad.  The muscles  kept contracting.  I felt like I have in the past where my stomach will be upset/muscles contracting for a little while then I'll feel like I'm going to vomit.  Eventually I do along with getting extremely hot and sweaty but no fever happens.  Sometimes I'll up chuck multiple times and sometimes only once but the contractions will last for a little while afterward then eventually go away and I'll feel just fine.

But last night never got to that point.  I started to burp quite a bit and pass gas some, HDT never felt bad so I don't think it was the food.  Although I guess I could've been reacting to it while he didn't for whatever reason.  Anyway, after awhile when it clearly wasn't going away I asked him to go grab the Tums and that ended up working.  I ate two right away and about a 1/2 hour or so later I had two more. 

But by the time I was feeling better it was too late to workout so that's two nights in a row that I did nothing. Although all day long every time I went to the bathroom I did 100 jumps - combo of jumping jacks and jump rope.  I also did 10 squats and some lunges right before quiting time.  Again, because I'm drinking a lot of water I'm going quite a bit too.

HDT did bring up on his own when we went to bed that we need to agree to at least 30 minutes of exercise a day or at least most days.  I told him if we were going to do it together than he had to do whatever he could to make it home as early as possible.  There're so many days when he's not even walking in the door until 7pm or after.  And by then I'm sitting on my ass and don't feel like doing anything.  And I'm starving by then.  We shall see how well it goes.

Felt bad but that's a good thing. I hope.

So I've actually been doing pretty darn good since Monday.  I felt so bad for slacking off again that when I got home from work I immediately changed into workout gear and got on the treadmill.  I also did some jumping jacks and jumping rope a couple times.

Tuesday every time I went to the bathroom I did 50 - 100 jumps and I started to drink water again throughout the day so I've been peeing quite a bit.  So that's good.  When I got home from work I got on the treadmill again.

Wednesday I took a break in the evening but I still did the jump rope throughout the day.  Although HDT and I did some fooling around so I still did a little workout in the evening.  Wink wink.

Thursday rather than get on one of the machines I grabbed some weights and did some weight lifting.  I grabbed the set of 5lb, 8lb and 10lb dumbbells.  I did several different arm reps and I also did lunges and squats while holding the weights.  While doing the squats I also lifted my arms straight in front of me while squatting.  I started out with the 5bls and did a round then went to the 8's and then the 10's.  But of course by the time I got to the 10's I could barely lift my arms.

On Friday all day long my ass cheeks were hurting, definitely shows how the lunges and squats are good for your ass that's for sure.  My back was also a little sore, always forget what certain muscles are called, but it's the ones just under the armpits and to the outside of the shoulder blades.  When HDT got home from work I had him give me a quick massage on my back and butt.  I took Friday evening off as well from doing any exercising to give everything a break.

Saturday morning I got up and on the elliptical for a manual workout.  Did a few intervals and kept changing the resistance and incline throughout.

I took another break on Sunday and actually felt a little bad that I did.  So I'm hoping that's a good sign that I'll be doing better as time goes on.

Food has been hit or miss but even when it's been miss I've tried to limit how much I eat of it.  For the last couple days I've been down one pound so that's nice.  Normally I've been fluctuating in the ounces but for the most part up that one pound has been pretty steady so I'm hoping that means I've actually lost it.

When I went home for lunch today HDT mentioned going to see a movie but I don't know, if I do that it means no workout tonight.  So we shall see. 

Yep, been bad again

I haven't posted in awhile because I've been pretty much nothing but bad and ugly since the last post and I just don't want to talk about it.

But, I did some grocery shopping recently and bought some good for us stuff so we'll have some decent dinners/lunches for awhile.

One good thing I've done is not have McD's every week.  I used to have it at least once if not twice a week for lunch.  But for the last month I haven't been having it and I've been craving it.  Last Thursday I finally broke down and got it.  Luckily HDT was home when I got there and I gave him half of my burger and fries and the whole coke.  So at least saved half the calories from it.  But my bowels were messed up for the next couple of days.  It's the only reason I could think of.  Everything else we ate from Wed. night on was our normal foods.  So yeah, that'll keep me from having it again any time soon.  So that's a plus.

I've done some jump rope and jumping jacks here and there but nothing much else that could really be considered exercise.  I thought I'd really do good after the last burst of energy/exercise but nope, not so much.  UGH  just  UGH

Under the bed is scary!

So I'd say I did pretty darn good this weekend.  I believe the worst meal I had was the frozen pizza we had for dinner last night.  But even that I had one less piece than normal since HDT put my 4th piece on his plate before he even handed me mine.  So that was nice.

Saturday I cleaned.  I straightened the basement then vacuumed and mopped. I also vacuumed the stairs and then the first floor (or at least most of the 1st floor) including under our bed.  Which was way scary.  I haven't vacuumed under there in a really long time and there was so much cat and dog hair it was unreal!!  I was laying on my side on the floor so I could see under it while vacuuming (it's a king size bed).  And being that the room itself is pretty small and we have things all along the walls it wasn't easy maneuvering around it all.  I got frustrated a few times.  But it was a workout in and of itself so I just dealt.

I then mopped the kitchen floor as well.  After all that I took a break and soaked in the tub for a little bit then washed up and got out of there because my niece was coming over so I could watch her for the evening while her mom was at work.  And before we settled in to watch Wall-E I emptied the dishwasher and reloaded it.  I got a pretty good workout from all of that.

Sunday I did an actual workout on the elliptical.  I plugged the calories I wanted to burn in and did several bursts and different resistence and incline amounts.  I was sweating like crazy by the time I was done.

My back is a little sore today but for the most part I'm feeling pretty darn good.  Now I just have to keep it going.

I did good again!!

So after dinner, which was a Stouffer's skillet meal that's only about 350 calories each that I also added some extra broccoli to and a slice of italian bread, I got on the elliptical as planned Monday night.  Apparently that made HDT feel guilty so he got on the treadmill next to me.  But shortly after that he went to put on tennis shoes so he could actually jog whenever he wanted to. 

I had just finished doing an interval "burst" for the second time when he came back downstairs in his tennies and asked me how I'd like to the show on the road.  I agreed but first wanted to see where I was on the calorie count, I had just hit 101 so I was happy about that.

So I put on my jacket and we harnessed up Poydras who was very excited to be going out and we headed on down the road.  The route we take around our neighborhood is just under a mile.  We did 4 intervals that probably totaled about 1/4 of the way, maybe even a 1/3. 

It's definitely different out on the real road than it is on the treadmill that's for sure.  I have bad joints and I definitely feel it after any exercise I do.  My ankles tend to twist pretty easily even in flat shoes while just walking normal.  So when jogging on the treadmill I'm pretty cautious.  When we were out on the street I was even more so.  I was worried that at any moment I was gonna step on a rock or step just right on the broken pavement and twist an ankle.  Especially since it was after 8pm and got pretty dim in between the street lights.  But no twisting was done so I'm happy about that.

Tuesday I felt pretty darn good, the only things that were sore were my shoulders, neck and back.  They were more stiff than sore really.  And today I feel just fine.  HDT on the other hand was sore in the legs, especially his calves.  But I think because I had done the bursting the weekend before then did some more on Saturday I already loosened them up quite a bit. 

This morning just before he got out of bed he was petting and talking to Poydras and he mentioned going back out for another jog this evening to him.  So we shall see, I'm game, that's for sure.  Especially since last night neither of us did anything and I've been eating like crazy this morning.

Not sure why either.  Exercising usually makes me not want to eat as much so I don't think it's that.  My period isn't supposed to start until the end of next week so it wouldn't be my usual cravings.  Just don't know.  Every morning I have a yogurt for breakfast.  Around 10 or so I start feel hungry again so I have a banana.  I did that today except I started feeling hungry as early as 9:15, I held off until 9:45 though.  But shortly after 10 I start to feel hungry again so I eat about 7 saltines or so.  But that didn't satisfy either and I ended up eating around 20 or so jelly beans.  So right after I polished off those I put a piece of gum in my big ass craw to stop it from consuming more junk.  I've been chomping away like crazy ever since and it's helped. 

UGH!

Nope, not gonna allow myself, just can't do it!

So yeah, this last week was another bad and ugly one.  No workouts and very little eating good.  This weekend wasn't much better.

Saturday morning I did the burst exercising again on the treadmill but that was it.  We had pizza and ate out and generally didn't eat well at all.  The best meal we had was breakfast Sunday morning and even that wasn't the greatest: scrambled eggs and bacon with toast slathered in margarine. 

As far as I know we have no plans for tonight to go anywhere so as long as nothing changes my plan is to get on the elliptical.  Luckily I'm nowhere near as sore as I was last Monday after doing the bursting.  In fact there's very little that hurts so I'm gonna say that even though I hadn't done anything else throughout the week my body was still able to adapt well enough that doing it all over again a full week later still didn't put the same kind of stress on it as I figured it would.  So that's a good thing.

At one point early last week I weighed myself again and I was up to 190.  WHAT! NO FUCKING WAY!!  But yeah, actually I can totally believe it especially since I'm feeling so much worse in my clothes.  When I weighed again on Thursday I think it was, maybe Friday, I was back down to 188.  I meant to weigh myself this morning but I was running really late so I'll have to make a point of it tomorrow. 

I so cannot let myself get up to my highest weight again which was 209.  I just can't do it, hell, I can't let myself get up to 200 even.  NO!  Just NO!

Pain I am in

So yeah, I'm in pain all because I decided to do the bursting way of exercising.  UGH!  Kicked my ass!!!

Saturday morning one of the cats woke me up at 8am and I felt awake enough so I decided to get up.  I was going to be lazy and just read for a little while or watch some tv but then decided fuck it.  I'm awake, I need to start truly exercising so why the hell not do it now.  So I got in my workout gear, put on my shoes and headed down to the basement.

I decided to do the plank first, especially since this would be the first time doing it with shoes on.  And sure enough, I was able to stay up for a full minute unlike without shoes.  The I got on the treadmill to do the bursting.

Warm up for 3 minutes then 30sec/1min running and 1/2 minute walking normal then back to 30/1 and 1/2.  Do that until you've done 4 minutes of bursting; 8 minutes of normal and then 3 more minutes for the cool down.

I did 1min burst, 2min normal; 1min burst, 2min normal; 30sec burst, 1min normal; 30sec burst, and then couldn't do anymore, felt like I was gonna be sick.  So I just did a 3.5 walk for about another 7 minutes or so.  I was still huffing and puffing when I quit.

I went and sat in a chair to try to cool down and breath normally again.  Once I finally was back to normal I decided to jump rope, which of course was still the fake jumping since I haven't looked for the rope yet.  I did 30 seconds of that and then 30 seconds of jumping jacks.  I was back to dieing!

I tried to do the scorpion flip but was only able to flip one way.  There was no way I was gonna be able to go back the other so I gave that up.

And here I am two days later and I'm still sore.  Especially my shins.  But I'm gonna get on the elliptical tonight I think.  Don't think I'll do the bursting routine on it yet but I'll at least do some intervals.

Food wasn't too good but again wasn't the worst I've done.  We had hamburgers on Friday night; Saturday I had some chicken nuggets and a few fries for lunch and then we had Chinese for dinner.  Sunday I had some left over Chinese for lunch then did it all in with double decker pizza for dinner.  I only had two small pieces but still!

Still a work in progress that's for sure. 

It's definitely a mix these last couple of days

Dinner last night was good.  We had skinless chicken breasts with Tony's seasoning cooked on the GF grill and a small baked potato each (in the steamer bag in the microwave) and asparagus (also from a steamer bag).  And wonder of wonders - NO BREAD!!!

We've still been doing the plank but haven't done the scorpion flip in awhile.  HDT is good at the plank, he's been able to consistently do 70 seconds and last night he did 80.  The experts say you only need to do 90 seconds a day.  I haven't been able to get past 45 yet.  But then, I did that after I already did 43 about 10 minutes before so I don't feel too bad about it.  That was last night too so who knows what I'll be able to do tonight.  We shall see.

I also did some weird pushups last night as well.  While playing tug with Poydras I was sitting on the couch.  At one point I do what I normally do and bend over and put my hands on the floor while my legs and butt are still on the couch.  He got the toy away from me and trotted around behind the couch and I bent way over to look under it at him.  He was looking back at me from the other side - too damn cute.  I called him back to me and as he came back around I pushed myself up pushup style.  And the proverbial light bulb went off.  So I did a few more pushups that way.  I was actually able to go lower than I can when doing a normal pushup but it was still a workout.  Then HDT came over and put his hand on my back for added pressure as I came up.  And it wasn't light pressure either.  UGH!  I didn't count how many I did with his hand there but I believe it was around 5 or 6 and the last one I ended up collapsing because he was pushing so hard and I no longer could push back up. 

Then after he stepped back I had a hard time even pushing myself back up on to the couch because my arms were so jellied from it.  So although I didn't get on the elliptical or treadmill as I planned because Jess came over and cut my hair, I at least was able to do a little something anyway. 

And today at lunch I decided to be very good since I was half bad for breakfast and had a small piece of cake that the auditors brought in this morning.  I still had my yogurt, but still.  So anyway, at lunch I decided to have half a turkey sandwich and an orange.  And both were really really good.  But then as I'm sitting on the couch watching my Ghost Hunters with about 15 minutes left before I had to leave I decide to do the ugly thing and reach for the potato chips.  And instead of shaking some out onto my plate I eat straight from the bag.  Bad, just bad.

I think we'll have hamburgers tonight, although not the greatest at least they're not that bad.  The meat is 90% lean and we only add Tony's seasoning to it.  Well, that's all I add, he adds ketchup and cheese - yech!

Bad weekend, bad

So this weekend was bad when it came to food but we at least did the scorpion flip several times and we've started doing the plank as well. 

Friday night we finally went out for my steak dinner.  But instead of going to a fancy steakhouse we just went to Outback.  We decided to save on some money and go there since we know we enjoy their food as well.  It's a good thing we did too because we still ended up spending close to 80 bucks.  We even split the dinner too. 

We got some chicken wings for the appetizer.  They were pretty good but not what we remembered having there so they must have gotten rid of the those kinds.  It's been quite awhile since we were there last so who knows when they got rid of them.  Then chose to have the 8oz fillet with garlic mashed potatoes and broccoli for the sides.  And I also got 3 grilled shrimp.  So the dinner was good for us.  He got most of the steak, we figured he got 5oz and I got 3oz but that was good since I also got the shrimp.  But then we ruined it all when we got the warm brownie with ice cream on top for desert.  But we split that as well at least.  Nowhere near as good as the desert from Red Lobster which we considered for about 2 minutes going over and getting.  But we decided to be good and not go.  We also had a couple drinks each.  He had long islands and I had something that I can't remember the name of now.  But it had vodka in it and it was nice and sweet.  HEE

Good thing we didn't get the 2nd desert at Red Lobster too since by the time we made it home we both felt satisfied.  If we had gotten our own meals we definitely would've been uncomfortably full.  Although we both agreed that if and when we go there again we'll get our own sides and split the steak still.  And skip the appetizer and desert.  With the bread they serve at the beginning and having our own full amount of sides we'll be just fine.  I still might get the shrimp so that way he still gets a bigger chunk of the steak.

Saturday was really really bad.  We had frozen pizza for lunch/breakfast and then I had an Italian beef and fries for dinner.  Which the dinner wasn't so bad but then we had chocolate cake (I had a huge slice) and chips and several shots.  We had friends over for game night to celebrate my birthday.  He had pizza again but this time it was double dough with pepperoni and bacon - very bad.  I had the tiniest corner piece of it but that was it.

Sunday wasn't any better really.  Although calorie wise I probably just made what I should be eating in a day.  I had a piece of cake for my breakfast, not anywhere near the size of the night before.  Then we went to his nephews birthday party where I had a pretty darn small piece of ice cream cake and by the time we got home it was going on 7pm and that's all I had had all day for food.  He cooked up some ground beef to make tacos for himself and I had couple hot dogs and potato chips.  So the food wasn't the greatest but at least it wasn't a ton of calories the way Saturday was.

And every day we did some flips and started doing the plank on Saturday.  Yesterday I had a migraine bad enough that I stayed home from work and he still made me do the plank a couple times.  But I refused to do the flip, was in too much pain for that.  Was able to stay up for 43 seconds the first time and 30 the second.

My back is paying for it today.  But at least it's a good workout pain.  But my head still hurts too so that's not good.  May skip the plank this evening and only do a couple flips.  We shall see.

One ass kicking needed please

So this week hasn't been good, yet again.  No exercise, not even that damn scorpion flip and very little food that wasn't bad for me in one way or the other.  Especially on Tuesday.  I had ordered a couple King Cakes from a bakery in New Orleans to be shipped up here and I took them to work with me on Tuesday.  I had way more than I should have of them.  Who knows how many calories just in the icing and sugar on top of the cake I consumed, let alone all the rest of the ingredients to make the cake itself.

Oh well, at least it's only one day and that's the whole point of it.  It's not called Fat Tuesday for nothing.  Heh

I'm not Catholic so I don't give up anything for Lent.  But I still thought about it.  But mine was going to be a reversal of it.  I was going to do some sort of exercise every day, whether it be the flip or jump rope or weights or one of the machines or any other type.  Even it would be for only 5 minutes I was going to do something.  Yeah, I didn't do shit yesterday at all.  I suppose I could always start today though.  Hmmm, we shall see. 

I need something, anything, to give me a quick kick in the ass. 

No steak for me

So, yeah, we didn't go out for steak on Friday night.  I knew I was getting my hopes up too high for it to happen.  Especially since HDiTty had to work this weekend.

He made a good point though.  Since he had to be to work at 6:00am we couldn't go out and just relax and have a good time.  He wouldn't be able to have a drink, not really anyway, and we would've been looking at the time too much.

So we agreed we'd go out this coming Friday and celebrate.  We shall see.

So instead we ate badly.  We had Chili's for dinner. I had their chicken crispers which are fried along with french fries.  And they completely forgot my corn on the cob so I didn't even get to have anything healthy.  He had boneless buffalo wings and southwest egg rolls.  Yeah, those are really bad for you.  I had half of one as well.  They are yummy though.

The rest of the weekend was hit or miss.  We had fish fillets and tots on Saturday for dinner and a frozen pizza on Sunday.  During the day  on Sunday I had a frozen breakfast (scrambled eggs, hashbrown & 2 slices of bacon) meal with some bread and then popcorn for a mid afternoon snack.  I can't remember what I had on Saturday though, obviously wasn't all that earth shattering. 

I was bad too though.  On Saturday what I do remember having was a full sleeve of thin mints.  Really really bad.

And I didn't do any exercises, I sat on my ass all weekend.  Didn't even do the scorpion flip.  Yep, gotta get back on it.

Birthday, it's all good no matter what!

So I was a good girl last night.  Finally!!  I got on the treadmill and plugged in 300 calories to burn.  I changed it up several times too.  I mostly kept a 3.0 - 3.5 pace.  But I got it up to 5.0 to jog for a minute, then later to 5.5, then the last jog I did 6.5.  But that one I was only able to do for just over 30 seconds.  But it was at the end, I only had about 4 minutes left to go so I think that was pretty damn good.  Especially since I also put the incline up several times as well.

Then for dinner I made some chicken breasts on the grill along with some plain rice for the side.  I was gonna make some green beans but we're out.  The worst part was having the bread but oh how good it tasted!

Today for lunch our boss took my department (accounting) and the admin department out to lunch since it's also our accounting manager's birthday as well.  2/3 of our accounting department is birthdaying it today!

He and I decided to go some place different than where we normally go (Olive Garden) and chose TGI Fridays.  It was a good choice.  I had the Jack Daniels burger, yum!  I normally get the JD chicken but felt like a burger today.  I'm glad I did, it was really really good.

Tonight, hopefully, I'll be going out for a good steak dinner.  Since I'll have to wait for HDT to get off of work I think I might still do something in the way of exercise; even if it's only for a 1/2 hour or so.  That way I can work off some of the lunch and still have time to take a quick shower and redo my hair and makeup.  How sad will I be if I do all of that then he forgets he's supposed to take me out?  We shall see.

Scorpion Flip

So I didn't get on a machine last night but I did some things to at least work off a few calories. 

While waiting for him to get home I decided just to do a few little things.  During a commercial break I went to look for the jump rope but couldn't find it.  So I just did it without the rope.  I tried to do it for the rest of the break but into the 3rd commercial I couldn't do it anymore, my calves were killing me.  So the next commercial break I went up and down our stairs 6 times (each way).  Then grabbed the small medicine ball and did different lifts and things with it.  Then I grabbed the red stretch band and did different things with it.  Of course doing those took me into the regular tv show.

By the time I was done I was pretty tired and definitely had worked up my heart rate.  But I did my usual and ended up sitting down to catch my breath and didn't get back up.  Which is why I actually prefer the machines, I can make myself continue doing them better than when I'm just free wheeling it.

I did bake chicken and tots for dinner.  But it was under 500 calories in all so I don't feel so bad for doing so.  I took a couple chicken breasts out to thaw last night as well.  This morning they were still mostly frozen but hopefully by this evening they'll be thaw. 

We watched a couple biggest losers that we're behind on and during one of them Bob showed a new thing he created called the scorpion flip.  We tried it out, sure looked easier than it really is when Bob did it.  And after just doing one of them we were both breathing hard.  And neither of us did it properly so I said we need to do it once every day until we can do it cleanly and then the next day do two then so on and so on.

Cause I'm gonna need it

So, yeah, still not doing much of anything.  Haven't gotten back on the machines since the last time.  What was that?  A week ago?  More?  Can't even remember.  Food has been hit or miss.  More miss than hit as usual.

I asked HDT last night if he'd be home on time tonight and that we didn't have any plans that he knows of.  He said that he should be and that we didn't so I said we needed to get back on the machines.  We shall see if that happens. 

Right now I feel ok, I'm not tired, other than just tired of work; as this afternoon has been pretty damn slow, not much of anything to do right now.  I could always file of course but I just don't feel like it.  35 minutes left in the day.  UGH!

Not sure what we'll do for dinner tonight.  I didn't take anything out to thaw so probably just do chicken and tots or fish and tots baked in the oven.  I'll have to see if we have any chicken breasts to take out for tomorrow or Thursday night. 

My birthday is Friday and right now I want to go to a good steak restaurant for dinner.  We shall see if that happens as well.  A few weeks ago his sister Jess asked if we'd like to go with her and her daughter to see Rango that night.  At the time I was ok with it but now I'm not so sure.  I don't think she has said anything more to HDT about it.  Especially now that they had a little tiff on Sunday and she went home in a huff.  Dont' know if they've talked since or not.  And I'm not gonna bring it up because really, I just want to have a really good steak somewhere. 

Hmmm, thought about maybe going to Zanies afterward but after checking it out just now and seeing it's $24.00 a ticket plus a two item minimum I don't think so.  Yeah, that's just too damn much money right now.  Especially if we really do go and get a steak dinner.  That alone is gonna be pricey.

Anyway, I guess I'll worry about that on Friday.  Right now I gotta think about getting in the mindset of hopping on the treadmill or the elliptical tonight.  If I psych myself up for it maybe I'll actually do it.

Wish me luck.

Of course I couldn't work out 2 days in row, that would be insane!!

So I OF COURSE, had a relapse last night.  No workout whatsoever.  He didn't even bring up the weights.  But to be fair I was completely exhausted by the time I got off of work yesterday.  My eyes were so damn tired and sore it was unreal.  My hands were chilly and putting them over my eyes felt so damn good.

And I couldn't go straight home to rest either.  I had to go by HDT's work to pick up the prescription for Bander to take out to Sam's Club and when I got out there I realized I didn't have my debit card.  So I had to turn around and go back to his work to pick up his card and then go back out there.  Luckily it was ready when I got there.  Then I picked up some hamburger meat (90%), some frozen fish patties and some french bread.  I wanted to get a kringle or some muffins but I was a good girl and although I looked I didn't pick any up.  And I barely glanced at the aisles of candy so that was good.

Got home and put all that away and then put the clean dishes away and put the dirty ones into the washer.  But a couple of the pans didn't come out completely clean from the dishwasher so I had to grab an SOS pad and scrub away on them.  The I had to clean the George Foreman Grill of the chicken from the night before.  I had turned the oven on for tator tots to have with the hamburgers (we had mentioned maybe have those when I picked up his debit card) but hadn't put them in yet. 

I really didn't feel like making burgers anymore, especially because I would've had to measure out and put away the rest of the meat and I had no desire to do that at all.  So we decided to have the fish filets and tots.  Still not a bad meal at least, especially since we bake them all and don't fry 'em.

But after dinner I just sat on my ass watching tv as usual while he sat on his ass playing WOW and watching tv as usual.  

I will get back on it though.  There will be set backs but I'm gonna keep at it.

It's about damn time!!

So yeah, I finally made myself get on the machines last night.  It's about damn time!!

I made us, or I should say, we made us a good dinner last night.  I cooked up some chicken breasts with Tony's cajun seasoning on them on the George Foreman Grill and heated up some green beans and HDiTty made us some garlic dill potatoes in the microwave steam bag.  No bread which we normally do.

No dessert either.

I of course started to vegetate on the couch with the dog in my lap and Bander in my arms snuggled up to my shoulder as usual after dinner was done.  I was warm and cozy, well except for my toes which were chilly.  Heh

I kept telling myself to get up but I just couldn't do it.  At one point shortly before 8:00 HDT went into the laundry room saying he was getting a pair of shorts.  I asked him if he was getting ready to workout, actually kind of excited.  But he said no that he just felt like wearing shorts rather than the sweats he had on.  So I asked him to get me a pop and I sunk back into the couch.  But shortly after that, maybe 5 minutes or so, I moved and that made Poydras go all bratty as he does and he grumbled and jumped off the couch.  When he did that Bander then stirred and went up onto the back of the couch. 

Since I didn't have any animals to hold me down and my toes were still cold I made myself get up and get on the treadmill.  I didn't put on my shoes and was wearing fuzzy socks so I didn't want to go real fast.  I only put it to 2.0.  I decided once the show we were watching got to a commercial I'd go change my socks and put on shoes so I could go faster.

But I shamed HDT into joining me just by being on it and he kicked me off.  I made him wait till I hit 40 calories which only took about 15 seconds or so since I was so close.  So I went onto the elliptical and since I don't really need shoes on that one I just kicked off my fuzzy socks and went barefoot.  Put in that I wanted to lose 260 calories so between the two it'd be 300 and with the cool down I lost an extra 41.  So I feel like I did a good thing. 

We both did some arm stuff as well.  We have a couple medicine balls, one is 10 pounds the other is 5 I think, maybe 6.  I used the lighter one starting on the treadmill doing different lifts with it and continued with it on the elliptical.  At one point I got the 10 pounder from him and did a little with it but not for long.  He used it and one of the stretch bands we have as well.  So who knows how many extra calories were burned using those.

While we were going strong he asks me that we should be doing this every day, what's wrong with us.  I told him that we're lazy, no other word for it.  We're lazy and we enable each other to be lazy.  But we agreed we'd be back doing some form of exercise every day that it's possible to do so. 

He wants to go out to the garage tonight to do weight lifting.  I don't desire doing weights, especially out in our very cold garage, but I always like how I feel afterward.  So I won't protest too much.  The problem is is that by the time he'll get home it'll be full dark and even colder and we have no lights in the garage let alone no heat.  Sometime a few years ago our lights quit working, actually all electricity.  We figure it has something to do with the lines going out to the garage from the house.  We've never looked into it though.  So unless we do it in the dark or bring candles out we won't have any light to work by.  And we only have one little space heater, which as I'm writing this I realize we wouldn't be able to use anyway because of the whole no electricity thing.  So we shall see how it goes, I have a feeling we'll have to do weights in the house without a bench.

Slowly but surely we're gonna be back on this damn exercise/healthy bandwagon dammit.

Letting myself down, why oh why....

So let's see.  The weekend ended up not being too bad after all.  At least, not for the most part anyway.  I went grocery shopping on Friday and actually managed not to buy any sweets.  At least not the kind I normally do.  I bought 90 calorie snack pack boxes of rice cakes.  The little mini ones that are chocolate or carmel or the like.  So, as long as we only snack on one pack we'll be doing ok with those.

Food wasn't the best but it wasn't awful either.  I made stew on Saturday which we had for dinner.  But we still had pizza for dinner on Sunday.  So yeah, that's not good. 

And I of course, still haven't worked out yet.  I have the good intentions but I just can't seem to make myself follow up with them yet.  I really don't know why.

There are times that I wonder if it's because I'm afraid to get slim/healthy.  I've been at best chubby and at worst fat since my early 20's.  I did lose a decent amount of weight in between my first husband and HDT but it didn't take too long to put it all back on.  When I was with my first husband, at least for the last couple years we were together, I wore a size 14. Yeah, yeah, I know it's the average size but when you're only 5'3" and wear a size 14 you're chubby.

I got down to a 10 for a little while in between the two but within a year and half after meeting HDT I was back in a size 14.

Now HDT on the other hand has always been overweight.  When we met he wasn't too bad, just chubby, but he's been up and down his whole life.  But with me he's been the heaviest he's ever been, I have too.  He's said to me before that he's worried that if I lose weight and look good and he doesn't that I'd leave him for a better looking guy.  I've told him before that that isn't true but of course he's still worried about it.  I honestly believe I wouldn't do that but you really don't know what you would do until you're confronted with certain situations.

We have a couple guns for protection, I believe I'd use mine immediately if I felt threatened.  But if I ever had to I really don't know what would happen.  There are other people that believe they'd never lift a gun towards another person but if they felt their life was in danger or their child's, etc. they very well may do so after all.  This is what I'm saying.  I believe I wouldn't but I really just don't know.

So I think that's one reason I hold myself back.  Plus the fact that it's been a really long time since I was slim, I don't know who that person is anymore.  I'm afraid I'll be someone else and I won't like her.  Every now and then I actually worry that he won't like me even if I stay the same person just skinny. 

There are times that I feel like there's no way I'll be able to maintain a slim/healthy body so why bother.  I maintained the 185 weight for so long without doing anything different that I wondered if that's just what I was supposed to be.  Looking at my family tree most of the women have meat on their bones.  There's very few of us that are actually naturally slim. 

You always read these articles that say you need to love yourself and how you look no matter what and what follows will follow naturally.  Well, I do love myself but that doesn't mean I love my body.  Because I don't.  I have a hard time finding anything I like about it and then when I do I have a hard time remembering that I like that part.  Like my calves; I have awesome calves.  I know it's from when I was kid and had a paper route.  My mom was never one of those parents that would drive their kid around delivering the papers.  If I wanted the job I had to do it on my own.  So that meant walking the whole thing or riding my bike.  I walked most of the time so my legs were STRONG.  And even after gaining weight my calves have always looked good. 

My thighs not so much anymore.  For a long time they still looked good because the muscle was still so big and strong.  But I noticed this last year that they now have cellulite where there didn't used to be.  And the worst thing about it is that they didn't look like that before I had lost the 20 plus pounds back in '09.  They only started getting the dimples and saggy skin after I gained it back.  Sucks big time. 

But my calves still look good though.  Heh

But, honestly, I think that's what's holding me back the most.  I just don't know that slim and healthy girl anymore and I'm afraid of her.  And I'm afraid of letting myself down again and you can't let yourself down if you never start.  Considering I've let myself down a couple times already I know I'm capable of it and that just sucks.

Butch of enablers are what we are!

So I haven't posted in a few days.  Mainly because I still haven't done anything.  I hate that I want to but I'm not doing anything about it.  I want to eat better, I want to exercise, I don't want to always want someting sweet after dinner.  If I can not have something sweet after lunch (most days) why can't I do that with dinner?  Is it because we've pretty much trained ourselves to do it?  I never thought about that before but I bet that's it.  One of us will inevitably say to the other, "What's for desert?" or "What do we have that's sweet?"  We both enable each other.  We are bad.

I wore a shirt yesterday to work that normally I actually look slim in.  When I looked at myself in the work bathroom mirror I noticed I didn't look so slim anymore.  I didn't look fat but I definitely didn't look like I normally do in it.

When I weighed myself the other day I was up to 185.4.  Now, I was on my period so I very well could've been retaining water.  In fact I'm almost positive I was since today I've been peeing like crazy and I haven't been drinking any more than normal.  But even still, I'm sure I'll only go back down to 184 if I go down at all.

HDT has to work the night shift this weekend.  Which means he'll be sleeping most of the day and then gone by 6:00pm.  I should be able to eat fairly decently without him around and I'm going to once again get on one of the machines.  If it's only for one of the days even, at least I'll be getting on it.

Promises, promises

So Friday night we ended up doing the original dinner we had planned on - we went out for Chinese.  We took his youngest sister with us and went to our favorite Chinese restaurant.  It was oh so good.  His friend Jim bought an ice cream cake that we had for desert later in the evening.  We also had some M&M's that I had custom made from their website.  Blue for him, pink for me and gold for the Saints.  I also had a heart and fleur-de-lis put on as well as some saying Happy 40th!! and Howie on others.  They we really good.

Of course no exercising.

Saturday we were both extremely lazy and didn't exercise although eating wasn't too bad.  Had the left over Chinese and he had a couple hot dogs through out the day for our meals.  But still no exercise.

Sunday we were supposed to go bowling so there would've been some exercising in the day but when we got to the alley it was completely packed and there wouldn't be any lanes available until after 4:00 - two full hours away.  So we said fuck it and left.  We called everyone that was coming out and told them to head to a restaurant that we don't get to very often cause he decided he wanted to have some pizza. 

So we had some pizza and cake that his mom brought along.  We got home around 6:00 and lazed on the couch completely full.  Breakfast wasn't too much better than that.  I made scrambled eggs and bacon.  The eggs were good of course but not the bacon.  And even though we were home early enough to exercise still we were both so full that we became slugs for the rest of the evening. 

Yep, still not making myself get on the machines.  Maybe, just maybe, I'll get on tonight.  We very rarely do anything for Valentine's Day so unless he has a surprise in the works it'll be just like any other evening of the week.  So there shouldn't be any reason I don't get on other than laziness.

I will start, I promise myself, one of these days.  Sooner rather than later.  I have to.

Working out is hard to do

Man oh man it's hard to make yourself start exercising and stick with it.  I have the intention of doing it but then after I get home and feed the cats and dog and figure out what we're having and make it; or feed the cats and dog and sit around waiting for HDT to come home to figure out what I'll be making for dinner and then eating it; I just don't feel like getting on the treadmill or elliptical anymore.  Especially because by the time we're done it's going on 8pm, or sometimes after, and I so don't want to do anything that late.

But I know it's better to do then than not at all.  Especially since when we were doing so good last year that about the time we were getting it done and it didn't seem to affect our sleep in any way.  In fact, I think I actually slept better despite finishing so late.

I haven't eaten anymore McD's but I'm still not eating the way I should be.  And today is HDT's birthday and more than likely we're having people over and will be eating pizza and other bread/starchy/carby foods.  We originally were supposed to be going out for chinese but then he started to change his mind as the night wore on.  I didn't ask him about it when I went home at lunch so I have no idea if it's changed again or not.  I guess I'll find out when I go home tonight. 

Depending on if his one sister comes or not there may or may not be drinking involved.  She's an alcoholic and is working through her recovery right now.  She's still really new to the program so it's still a struggle for her. 

UGH!

So, as it says in the tag line - I'll be posting about the bad and ugly as well as the good.  Last night was the bad and today at lunch was the ugly.

I didn't workout last night as planned.  It was chilly and I just sat my butt on the couch under my snuggie watching tv with HDiTty with the dog in my lap (part time) and one of the cats in my arms (part time) keeping me warm. 

Yes, yes, I know that if I got up and did the treadmill or the elliptical I would've gotten even warmer than sitting on my ass.  I never said I was logical in my laziness.

And today was just ugly.  I really didn't want to go home and make anything for lunch.  Which of course is what I should have done.  Nope, what did I do?  I went to McD's and got a #3 - double quarter, medium fries and a Dr Pepper.  Didn't even get a diet drink.  At least I eat my burgers completely plain so there isn't any extra calories from cheese.  Heh

I ended up eating all the fries and all but about 3, maybe 4, bites of the burger.  I only drank about 1/2 of the pop though.  So a few more calories "saved" by not finishing the burger and the drink.

Ahahahaha, who am I kidding!?!  So what I didn't eat those calories, what I did eat was bad enough.  UGH!

So, yeah, I really have to make myself get to exercising so I can make myself eat better.

BMI says I'm obese - I'm gonna change that!

So, yeah, I wish I could just eat whatever and do whatever and still be able to lose weight.  But since that's impossible I'll just have to make myself do the right thing.

My goal is twofold.  I want to lose wight to look and feel better about myself and I want to lose weight to be more healthy.  My last physical I was just fine in all ways: no high blood pressure, no high cholesterol, no diabetes, etc., etc.  But that was, admittedly, several years ago.  Who knows what any of that would be now.  Although the blood pressure is still fine, that's been taken every time I've gone to my gynecologists office.  Even though I feel like I'm all good you just never know.  But what I do know is losing weight will make me more healthy.

So, this blog will be a place I can come to bitch about what it's taking me to lose the pounds.  It'll be a place I can track the amount I'm losing and what I'm doing exercise wise.  And if I make a point to update it every day or as often as possible anyway I think it'll keep me more honest.

I have the Lose It app on my iphone which definitely helps but there are times that I want to rant or even just purge and I can't do that on there.  Such as.....

I finally got back on the elliptical last Saturday, although I wanted to do the treadmill but it wouldn't work (again).  Plugged in what I wanted to work off (425 calories) and after doing the cool down I burned off 460.0 exactly.  Pretty nice.  I took Sunday off, because I'm lazy like that.  Yesterday after work I had HDiTty fix the treadmill because I wanted to use it rather than the elliptical and then ended up not being able to use it.  All because he was on WOW doing some campaign thingy with a big group and I wouldn't be able to turn up the tv to be able to hear once the machine started going.  But I let him know that was the reason so tonight he'll either just have to deal or not go on any campaigns because I'm definitely getting on the damn thing.

And yes, there are other things I could do to exercise and I plan on doing those other things as well but when I do them I'm not able to keep myself at it.  When I get tired of doing the reps with the weights or I get tired jumping rope or I get tired with the lunges I just quit.  I don't push myself.  With the elliptical and the treadmill I'm able to keep going.  I can look at the calories or the time and say I only have so much longer to go to reach my goal and it won't take me long to do that so just stick with it and I do.  With those other things there's not much of a goal.  Sure I can put a time limit or a rep limit but it's still so much easier to just say fuck it and quit.  I think mainly because I don't have the visual to reinforce what I'm doing.  There's no calorie count or time count or mileage count to be able to look at and say I'm doing good and there's not much longer to go.

And I've learned that if I'm not exercising I don't make myself eat better.  It's the whole guilt thing I think, I feel guilty if I eat "bad" foods while exercising.  At least more than what I should of them.  I know enough that I can't cut out of my life any of the foods I really like because I do what the experts say you'll do and end up binging at some point.  But I am good with putting into the Lose It app the foods I eat so it'll calculate the calories I'm eating so I know when I have to stop or how much of those potato chips I can have or cookies or whatever.  Because damn do I have a sweet tooth and salty tooth.  And putting those two things together (hello chocolate covered pretzels!) is a deadly combo for me.

I want to lose at least 50 pounds.  If I lose a bit more than that, well, more power to me.  But I don't think I'll need to.  That'll put me right around what so many of the charts say would be good for me.  BMI and ideal weight charts.  Right now, as of the other day I had gotten back up to 184.7 pounds.  I'm 5'3".  Per the BMI chart I'm obese.  But just into the obese section at least.  If I can get back down to 165 I'll be in the overweight section. 

Sure that's 20 pounds and it sounds like a lot but in 2009 I got down to 162.7 from 188 by eating right and exercising.  And the only work out I did was the elliptical and walking fast during the day at work.  I did that in less than 5 months.  Then I quit my job and sat on my ass for 5 months basically and gained almost all of it back.  Since then I've been fluctuating between 180 and 183.  But when I weighed myself the other day and I was up to 184.7 I knew right then and there I had to get back on the horse - no more excuses.  I'm sitting here in my jeans feeling awful and when I look in the mirror I see where it's coming back. 

Ok, I believe I've rambled enough for the first entry.  I'm outta here.